


And It's Burning on My Tongue

by vogue91



Category: Amuse
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 12:28:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14044281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “I don’t know what it would change. But I don’t want to be the one to ask. I think it’s better for me to take a step back now, before going on like this and risk hurting each other.”





	And It's Burning on My Tongue

_[And it’s better for me to let it go now_

_than hold on and hurt you.”_

_[Burn, Usher]_

Doori stretched, trying to find the strength to get out of bed.

He didn’t really want to. He didn’t want to go back home alone, even less at that time, but he also knew he couldn’t stay there forever.

He sighed and collected his strengths, standing up and starting the search for his clothes.

Kouki followed him with his eyes, fidgeting under the covers.

He didn’t smile, and Doori didn’t take it as a good sign.

The fact that the older one looked so serious was so rare that it was worrying.

“You going back home?” he asked, even though the answer was pretty obvious, putting an end to the silence.

Sakurada nodded, putting on the shirt slowly, unwillingly, waiting to hear him say something else, anything that would’ve postponed his return home.

He knew exactly what he wanted to hear him say. He would’ve wanted to be asked not to leave, he would’ve liked for Kouki to beg him if it was necessary, but he knew it wasn’t going to happen.

He had been the one to start it, after all.

He had desired Kouki for so long, and when he had been cornered all he could’ve done was kissing him, sleep with him, without ever telling him how he truly felt or what he wanted from him.

It had been going on like this for too long, and he started to wonder what was the point in keep hurting himself this way, getting nothing in return.

“Well... I’ll go, then.” he murmured once he was done getting dressed, going toward the door.

He hesitated for a few moments, and when he was about to get out he turned to face him, biting his lower lip.

“You really can’t, can you?” he asked, while the older boy sat, staring at his own hands.

“What should I say? If you want to leave it’s not me who has to tell you that...” he paused, sighing. “Why isn’t you, from time to time, to tell me you don’t want to go?”

Doori raised an eyebrow, perplexed.

It really wasn’t his fault. He had no idea of what went through Kouki’s mind, he had no idea as to why he never told him anything about what he thought about them.

Mizuta had always taken everything as it came, never letting him understand what was okay for him and what wasn’t, and in the end Doori had simply decided that he didn’t want anything more from him.

Otherwise, he would’ve told him.

“And even if I wanted to stay? What would it change?” he provoked him, getting back and sitting on the bed.

Kouki frowned, pensive.

“I don’t know what it would change. But I don’t want to be the one to ask. I think it’s better for me to take a step back now, before going on like this and risk hurting each other.”

Doori chuckled, sarcastic, and shook his head.

“This world isn’t made for a person as nice as you, Kouki.” he mocked him, not at all amused, then stood back up and brought his hands to his temples, exasperated. “Why don’t you tell me what you think, for once? The first time we’ve slept together you didn’t even blink, what should I make of that? You didn’t tell me a thing, you’ve letting me do as I pleased as if I was a charity case and...” he inveighed against him, before Kouki opened his eyes wide and interrupted him.

“Charity?” he repeated, incredulous. “Do-chan, why in the world should I have taken you as a charity case?”

Doori didn’t feel like answering, but at the same time he couldn’t help but feeling comforted by the way he had called him.

He saw him standing up, going closer to him and bringing his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder and holding him tight.

He let go to that hug because he wanted to, he wanted to feel him, and yet he wasn’t going to be fooled by that concession, forgetting what they were talking about.

“I don’t know. Because I’ve come to you like that and you didn’t ask. You didn’t want to know what I thought, why I acted the way I did. You’ve just let me do as I pleased. Why should I think you care?”

Kouki let him go, sighing.

“Because it looked very clear what you wanted from me, Doori.” he murmured. “You never seemed to want anything more than sex, did you?” he sighed again, going back to sit on the bed. “I’m sorry I’ve given you the wrong impression, but you didn’t do a much better job.”

Doori hesitated.

If he put it like that, he wasn’t wrong.

But he had always seen Kouki as a simple presence in his life, as someone who was supposed to always be there, because he knew he would’ve been.

Finding out how complex could’ve been being with him had torn him away from his illusion he could fix this, that he could let him learn what he felt without having to tell him the truth.

“I don’t want only sex from you.” he admitted then. “I want… I...”

Kouki burst out laughing all of a sudden, with no good reason.

It would’ve also bothered Doori, if only Mizuta right then hadn’t stood up, gotten closer and kissed him.

There was something different in that kiss, something different from all those they had shared before, but still Doori didn’t know how to interpret that difference.

“I thought I wanted to hear you say it, Do-chan.” the older one murmured, pulling away. “Instead, perhaps it doesn’t matter.” he took his hands, caressing them softly, as if to try and buy himself some time. “I love you, Sakurada Doori. I love you, and I know you love me as well, and I know how hard it is for you to admit it. But for now, it’s okay, really. I didn’t think it would’ve been this hard ignoring what we both feel but it is, and I’m not willing to stand it any longer.” he finished.

Doori felt a myriad of different feelings going through him.

He hated him, for a split second, at the thought of how much he had suffered to make him open his eyes, save then finding out he had known all along.

He was happy about that confession, because it was all he had ever wanted to hear him say.

And he loved him even more, because even though he wasn’t able to tell him that was how he felt, and it was the only thing that mattered.

Not about words, not about what they did, but about how they both felt.

That they felt the same way, was the best thing that could ever happen.

He hugged Kouki and let him hug him, snorting out of frustration when he heard him laugh again, feeling soothed by the familiar sound of that laugh.

“Mizuta Kouki.” he said, solemn like the other had been. “You’re an idiot.” he sighed, moving so that he could look him in the eyes. “And I love you.”


End file.
